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October 10, 2008

The Pres' Palouse Park Bench - Ode To Mousey Mouserson



It is a bad year to be a fan of some sports in the great state of Washington. The Mariners were flat out terrible, even worse than just about anyone expected. The SuperSonics packed up and left for a city that thinks it deserves a professional franchise of any kind. The Seahawks seem to be returning to their strategy of their earliest years: losing games by a tremendous margin.

The Cougars have been no better. They managed only one victory so far this season and have given up over 60 points in each of their two home losses this season. They lost two starting quarterbacks, one for the season, both to broken bones in their spine. The new offense has been difficult to grasp and it seems the young players will need more time than desired to pick up the new system. Even better, the Apple Cup is looking to be an absolute pillow fight between teams who could have just one win between them by game day. Watching Cougar games this year has been akin to voluntary root canals every Saturday. It's painful every weekend but for some reason you keep coming back for more.

Depressed yet? I know I am. But I wouldn't let you start your weekend in a bad mood. So take a seat and gather round, as I regale you with a tale of bravery and sadness the likes of which you have never heard.



Late Tuesday night
It was really quite a sight.


My roommate Scott was washing plates
And a large fright seemed to be his fate.


When out of the drain popped a little mouse
That had somehow gotten into the house.


Scott was startled and dropped his pan
Away from the kitchen the big fella ran.


He reached for his phone and called me exclaiming "Oh no!"
"Inside of our home we have quite a foe!"


Back across campus to my apartment I did go
Wondering whether this mouse was hiding high or low.


I walked in the door and there my roommates were
Finger on lips requesting quiet and not to stir


"He's in the stove!" my other roommate Jason declared
Going towards the appliance was something I did not dare.


Bravest among us was my better half Sammy
Between all of us she was the least bit clammy.


The stove was taken apart as we searched for the mouse
Scott and I waited behind in camouflage, scared and waiting to pounce.


"The mouse is not in your stove," Sammy declared.
"Now I'm going to find a boyfriend who's a man," she said with a glare.


The hunt was no good, back to our homework we went
"Too bad we didn't find it" was Jason's lament.


I picked up my pencil and started to write
It seems no one would sleep well with a mouse on the loose tonight.


When all of a sudden, in the kitchen there was a stir
Scott and I were back to the kitchen in a blur.


"He's in the sink again," said Scot with a smile
"In the closet he lurks," said I of the mouse with guile.


"He's between the two," Scott said
Finding the mouse I really did dread.


Down the stairs Jason came flying
I could tell this night would be very trying.


I grabbed a wine bottle just in case
Because I was without my mace.


Behind the garbage can the mouse likely lurked
"That's where he is," Jason said with a smirk.


He pulled out the can and there was the mouse
Frozen in fear with the rest of the men in the house.


He ran down the wall; his tail in a whirl
Scott and I did the manly thing, screaming like girls.


Jason tried to trap it with a pot to keep it alive
But sadly for us, the mouse did not survive.


We were scared of the little guy, but we didn't want him to die
We wanted him to live and be free outside the poor little guy.


As Jason scooped him up with paper and took him to the door
Once again, Scott and I towards the backyard we tore.


He was put in the field, likely from whence he came
And because we had killed him we felt much shame.


The little guy was a great foe and because we killed him we felt bad
And so we thought of something that would make us glad.


We considered him an athlete we respected and loved
And decided we should honor him so by all he could be beloved.


So to honor the mouse, we gave him a name
Mousey Mouserson would be the one he carried to fame.


And like Jordan and James we gave him a number to put in a marquee
We gave him the honorable number 23.


We knew that for him, the greatest honor there could be
To raise his jersey to the rafters for all to see.


I'll remember Mouserson for all my days to come
He was my enemy but also my chum.


May you rest in peace for all of time and I will always say the same
"He was the greatest mouse ever," I will forever proclaim.


Lessons learned from this: my girlfriend is braver than I around mice, myself and my roommate Scott are deathly afraid of mice, my roommate Jason is brave in the ways of a Spartan warrior and that it takes just such an event as a mouse hunt to really brighten your week.


PICKS:


The Sun Devils really have not lived up to expectations this year and USC has, mostly anyway. Another doormat on USC's road to a conference championship.

University of South Central 42, We Used To Be In the WAC 16


A couple of Samoan quarterbacks squaring off in Palo Alto. Arizona seems to be well on their way to a bowl; Stanford still has a long way to go. Plus, Willie Tuitama is the best thing to happen to Arizona since Lute Olson.

Untamable, Wild Kitties 38, Another Name for a Priest 17


As good as UCLA looked last week against the Cougars that seemed to be their one shining moment. Slick Rick has never had success against the Ducks as it is.

Royal Canadian Air Force-Eugene Division 52, We Miss Troy Aikman 20


And now your Cougar picks:

Oregon State 44, Washington State 13 says a kind, gentle and hilarious human being Allen Pryor Brand.


Oregon State 28, Washington State 7 says former Cougar and fellow Woodinville graduate Lauren Heino.


Oregon State 39, Washington State 17 says a man who only wishes he could have infinite amount of the beverage that sounds like his name Sean Maginnis


The Cougars struggles are continuing and the Beavers always play well in Corvallis. But this will likely be the first time the Cougars opponent does not cover the spread…but that doesn't mean the Cougars emerge victorious.

Oregon State 31, Washington State 10

And if you will all indulge me for a brief moment.

Happy Anniversary Sammy.


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