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November 11, 2005
Butch V. Tommy - Week 11
Butch gave Tommy an extra hour last week and Tommy actually put it to good use and got the extra win over Butch. But no more gifts nor concealed motives this week [well, not sure about concealed motives from Tommy's direction] as Tommy - flush with overwhelming success [just one gander at Tommy's October numbers will tell you why a 3-2 week is considered a success] - is evidently getting desperate. He is picking against his boys of Troy in this week's game against California - a team he has derided early and often - in a transparent effort to try and make up ground on Mt. Butch. That tactic will work about as well as a fake punt from the 38-yard line in the 4th quarter in Berkeley [if the Trojans are in that position this week, Tommy, better not hope they try it - Tedford will be expecting it]. Let's see what other rabbits Tommy will pull out of his hat this week...
Tommy: Well, what do you know? That's what a week over .500 looks like. Alert the media. Tommy knows that there's no way that he's going to finish with a respectable record, but is it too much to ask for him to catch Butch? Probably, but we'll give it the old college try any way.
Butch: Butch has news for you, Tommy, the media was alerted the week before when you got a .500 record. Last week, they were out of the office trying to see if it was Rey Maualuga who "pushed" LenDale White off the building. [Ha ha. Snort. Knee slap.]
USC (-19) at California
Tommy: Tommy loves a good whoopin' as much as the next guy, but I'm not seeing it this week. The Trojans are 4-5 against the spread, haven't covered in their last three road games, and are 0-3 against the number vs. Jeff Tedford. Good guys win, bad guys cover. Defending Champs-38, Bring On Stanford-21.
Butch: Hey Tommy, do the words "looked like garbage on offense," "they sucked" and "a QB who can't throw" sound familiar? Yeah, Butch can't place them either. They seem to be lodged somewhere in that short-term memory limbo that affects the USC coaching staff whenever legal problems arise. To make matters worse, reportedly, Pete Carroll and the team were crushed when Tommy formally abandoned them this week [and rumor has it, voted for Texas too!] Tommy can't seem to recall his prior impressions of Cal but they seem to have gotten better in that OT loss to Oregon last week. But no matter, Butch will pick up his slack and soothe King Pete and the crestfallen boys of Troy [There, there, now, settle down boys, it's alright - Butch is sure Tommy didn't mean it - he'll be back next week] by picking them to win and cover.
Washington at Arizona (-13)
Tommy: Wow. In the last five seasons, you can count the number of times that the Cats have been a double digit favorite on one finger. They covered in that game, and let me tell you, the Huskies are no UTEP. Stoops Is Right, Kovalcheck Sucks-35, Tommy's Right, The Huskies Suck-13.
Butch: Butch knows what the Hussies are - but he is under contractual obligation not to divulge that privileged information until next week. Meanwhile, Butch takes Arizona to win and cover while Washington waits for hoop season to hurry up and get here already.
Stanford at Oregon State (-4.5)
Tommy: Well, lookie, lookie. It's the upset cookie. Stanford's defense is confusing enough for regular QBs. Think how tough it will be on a guy who has thrown four times as many INTs as TDs in conference play. Down go the Beavs! Still No Bowl For Us-27, Is Gunderson That Bad, Riley? - 23.
Butch: Research didn't work last month when he tried to predict an upset of UCLA by the Rodentry and Butch can see poor Tommy still has not learned his lesson. Oregon State has won three straight games against the Trees and Tommy wasn't even making online predictions the last time they beat the Rodents [besides, you know what Beavers do to Trees .]. Different coaches, but same key senior players. Butch takes OSU to win, cover and become bowl eligible in Burritoville.
Arizona State at UCLA (-4)
Tommy: Well, they're not Tommy's Bruins any more. What an embarrassing performance. UCLA was smellier in Tucson than a Bill Clinton cigar. Still, the Scum Devils have no D, and they weren't exactly impressive against Butch's Cougs. So after this weekend, Bruin fans will again think that they can win the conference. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Delusional Fans-42, No Bowl This Year?-35.
Butch: Aha! So Tommy has learned his lesson .guess he just doesn't like applying it to Beavers. Remember what Butch has always said about UCLA and big games at home - the Bruins win them. Butch takes UCLA to win and cover.
Oregon (-4.5) at WSU
Tommy: I hate to say it, Butch, but your Cougs suck. Think how good your record would be if you didn't pick them every week. I see my chance to gain a game on Bucth. I'll take it! Who Needs a QB?-28, We Lose In Every Way Possible-23.
Butch: Since the Cougars are 3-5 ATS this year and one of Tommy's boys' 4-5 record was due to an overly generous Cougar team, Butch does not think he will lose any sleep about that particular discrepancy or missed opportunities. Butch takes Ryan Leaf to stand on both sidelines [with Bill Doba trying to get an extra game of eligibility out of him, to make up for that lost year] and the Cougars to cover.
Last Week: 3-2
Last Week: 2-3
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